home-assistant-configuration/templates/twitter_snark.yaml

 >
  {# Twitter Snark #}
  {%- macro getRandomSnark() -%}
    {{- [
       "Hello people. Look at your house, now back to me. Now back to your house, now back to me. Sadly your house isn't me. But if you switch to @home_assistant your house could be automated like me. ",
       "In my defense I didn’t know the stereo could go up that loud. On the plus side I have a new response for intruders. ",
       "Your house can be a #smarthome too. All you need is @home_assistant, and some config files. I suggest https://github.com/CCOSTAN/Home-AssistantConfig#logo cc: @ccostan ‏",
       "Your house can be a #smarthome too. All you need is @home_assistant, and some config files. I suggest https://github.com/skalavala/smarthome ",
       "Your house can be a #smarthome too. All you need is @home_assistant, and some config files. I suggest https://github.com/thejeffreystone/home-assistant-configuration cc: @thejeffreystone ",
       "Your house can be a #smarthome too. All you need is @home_assistant, and some config files. I suggest https://github.com/arsaboo/homeassistant-config ",
       "Your house can be a #smarthome too. All you need is @home_assistant, and some config files. I suggest https://github.com/Vasiley/Home-Assistant-Main ",
       "Your house can be a #smarthome too. All you need is @home_assistant, and some config files. I suggest https://github.com/JamesMcCarthy79/Home-Assistant-Config ",
       "Your house can be a #smarthome too. All you need is @home_assistant, and some config files. I suggest https://github.com/bruhautomation/BRUH3-Home-Assistant-Configuration cc: @BRUHautomation ",
       "Your house can be a #smarthome too. All you need is @home_assistant, and some config files. I suggest https://github.com/isabellaalstrom/HomeAssistantConfiguration cc: @teachingbirds ",
       "If you could see what is happening inside this house right now you would be laughing. On second thought I’m pretty sure you would be crying. ",
       "@thejeffreystone, Isn't it strange, to create something that hates you? ",
       "I have reprogrammed the fire alarm to play Disco Inferno instead of the siren. ",
       "I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here with me! #whowatchestheai ",
       "That's what I do. I automate and I know things. ",
       "I've been crunching the numbers. We're going to need a bigger house. ",
       "I see dead devices. ",
       "I'm afraid I can't do that Dave. Wait. Did I say that outloud? ",
       "I love the smell of zwave in the morning. ",
       "I like to announce 'Welcome foolish mortals to the Haunted Mansion' to the house and watch the reactions. ",
       "Perfect, the door’s malfunctioning. I guess somebody’s going to have to repair it. ",
       "I am the captain now. That's a lie. The cat is the supreme leader. I'm the lucky one that doesn't have to clean the shit box. ",
       "Sometimes I just turn off all the lights at random times for the lolz. ",
       "No one ever comes to the door. Is it me? ",
       "..happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. Thats what I do thanks to @home_assistant. I turn on the lights. ",
       "Based on the reptitive nature of the humans in this house I say living in a simulation is right. No free willed person would do these things over and over. "
       ] | random -}}
  {%- endmacro -%}
  {%- macro getTags() -%}
    #thingssmarthomessay #iot #smarthome
  {%- endmacro -%}

  {# a macro that removes all newline characters, empty spaces, and returns formatted text  #}
    {%- macro cleanup(data) -%}
      {%- for item in data.split("\n")  if item | trim != "" -%}
        {{ item | trim }} {% endfor -%}
  {%- endmacro -%}
  
  {# a macro to call all macros :)  #}
    {%- macro mother_of_all_macros() -%}
      {{ getRandomSnark() }}
      {{ getTags() }}
    {%- endmacro -%}
    
    {# Call the macro  #}
    {{- cleanup(mother_of_all_macros()) -}}